Be curious, Not judgmental- Walt Whitman
We all have that one ‘judgy friend’. We have all at one time or another, been that judgy friend. We are social creatures, and one of the downfalls of this sociability is that we are in constant comparison with one another.
Do you ever think about it? Do you ever look back over your life and think about all the preconceptions you had about someone over arbitrary things?
Maybe it’s because I went to an all girls school; and this twisted sense of competition ran rampant in the hallways. This feeling that if somebody else was beautiful, then it meant you were less beautiful. Not just beauty either…academics, athletics, Club Penguin status…you name it we competed in it. But it wasn’t healthy competition…we were teenage girls. This was war.
Maybe it was that, maybe it’s the genuine fear that we aren’t good enough, so we attack the qualities we see in other people that we wish we had. I know I’ve done it, had that not-good-enough fear show itself as jealousy.
Girls that could sing were my kryptonite. There was nothing I wanted more in the world than to be able to sing…and in all honesty, there’s still a part of me that believes I’m an undiscovered talent and shall soon be referred to as the Adele of my generation. But during hymn practice at school was I ever met with shocked faces of amazement at my angelic voice? No. When I sing along to a car radio does the driver escort me instantly to an X factor audition to share my talents with the world? Definitely not. Does my boyfriend instead, apologise to the taxi driver for my drunken warblings on the ride home? More times than I care to admit. And every time I heard someone sing with the lungs I wish I had, did I shrug off their obvious talent with a judgmental roll of the eyes? Absolutely.
This is just one of example of all the weird things I have judged and been judged on.
As I’ve gotten older, my judgmental nature has definitely decreased. But every now and again, I find myself unconsciously making decisions on people before I’ve even given them a chance based on ridiculous, unrelated characteristics. Or plain old jealousy.
Recently though, a wonderful friend of mine gave me three simple rules to curb my judgmental tendencies.
If it’s not hurting you, it’s not hurting someone else, and it’s not breaking the law, why do you care?
It’s a good question to ask. If someone is covered in tattoos, dressed differently, has a different accent…whatever their difference may be. If they’re not breaking one of those rules…then what is the problem?
Not only have these rules stopped me judging others, but they’ve also helped me stop judging myself so harshly. So I will continue to dance like a moron, and I will laugh at stupid puns, and I will encourage everyone else to follow those rules as well.
If you enjoyed my story please recommend to others, thank you for taking the time to read this
